


The Amazing Love Story Between Erebor and Bag End

by Bam4Me



Series: Happy Gay People [1]
Category: The Hobbit
Genre: Bilbo is 18, Dis is 29, Dwalin is 24, F/M, Fili is 9, Frodo is 3, Gen, Gimli is 16, Gollum used to be a creepy stalker, Kili is 6, Legolas is 16, M/M, Modern AU, Ori and Dwalin are not together yet, Ori is 16, Smeagol is a cat, Tattoo parlor AU, The One Ring - Freeform, Thorin is 23, flower shop au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin Oakenshield, owner of 'Erebor' the best tattoo parlor in the whole town, always thought he'd have it so easy. Well, he was easy. Does that count?</p><p>Probably not. Either way, it wasn't until 'Bag End' flower shop had made it's home across the street that he's thought, 'maybe life isn't about casual everything anymore.' But low and behold, turns out, sometimes it is.</p><p>And sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Amazing Love Story Between Erebor and Bag End

"Lobelia, I told you not to put that there!"

"It looks better here than it does there!"

"Well, it's a good thing you're not going to be working here then, cause it's not staying there!"

"Bilbo!"

Gandalf sighed and stood up from his place behind the counter, looking at his two charges with a stern look, "Both of you, stop fighting!"

Bilbo and Lobelia looked at their guardian with sheepish frowns. "Sorry, Gandalf."

"Yeah. Sorry. But she shouldn't be aranging my store how she wants just because she's bossy!"

Lobelia let out a small growl and looked like she was about to box Bilbo's ears before Gandalf grabbed the both of them by their necks and pointed them in oppisited directions.

"Both of you seperate before you cause a scene. Neither of you are too old for me not to confine you to your rooms for the afternoon like when you were younger!"

Bilbo looked horrified, "We don't even live with you anymore!"

Gandalf gave him a stern look, "I can still do it."

The two of them looked at each other before squeaking and runing away, focusing on unpacking more of the flower shop with resigned looks.

"Hello?"

The bell above the door rang and Bilbo looked up to say that they weren't going to be open for at least two days with a frown before pausing.

Well, hello to you too.

The man standing in front of the door looked around for a moment before spotting Gandalf and smiling. Bilbo watched him walk over to the counter where Gandalf had silently gone back to watching his 'children' with a weary look.

They had been at this for a while. That had not been their first fight of the day.

"Gandalf! I heard tell of you being around these parts today."

Gandalf turned to him and smiled, that secretive and shiny smiled that always made Bilbo scrunch his nose up and fluster because he knew it meant something was about to happen and he had no intention of telling Bilbo or Lobelia what is was. Rude.

"Master Oakenshield, it is nice to see you today. But yes, I'm here supervising my foster children while they set up Bilbo's new shop. If I weren't here, I assume I would get a phone call from the hospital later saying one or both of them had been admitted and at least one of them was being held on charges of conspiracy to commit murder."

Bilbo sniffled, not liking how friendly the two of them were being right now, if only because it meant that Gandalf was bad mouthing him. So rude.

"We're not that bad."

The man turned to him with an interested, raised eyebrow and a small smile. His smile seemed to grow a little when he realized how far down he had to look to see Bilbo properly.

Bilbo just scowled at him, not liking how they found him so amusing at the moment.

He took a step back so he didn't have to crane his neck up so high to see him and smiled politely, not extending his hand though. He knew it would only be polite, but he had never liked it after that one time he'd gotten the flu from one of his old neighbors.

Besides, his own hands were gross. Rather not set a bad impression right away.

"Hello, I'm Bilbo Baggins. I'm the new owner of the shop."

The man politely inclined his head down at him, "I'm Thorin Oakenshield. I own the tattoo parlor across the street. I noticed movers heading around the back. Sorry for barging in so soon, but when the owners of the toy shop down the way told me they saw Gandalf hanging around, I knew it would be something worth checking out."

Bilbo side eyed Gandalf suspiciously and frowned, "What exactly do you all know Gandalf from?"

Gandalf coughed a little and avoided both of their gazes, choosing to look down the small hall towards the back of the store where there were two other tiny rooms hidden. Bilbo followed his gaze for a moment before turning back to Thorin expectantly, satisfied that Frodo was not yet up from his nap.

Thorin looked contemplative, as if he really didn't know the best way to answer that question. "From a lot of things I guess. I have a lot of friends though, and he seems to know them all, and get into trouble with more than enough of them. If you're half as bad as he is, I expect the store to burn down within the week."

Bilbo's eyebrows went up at the vague but blunt answer and he shook his head a little, amused.

"You should expect firetrucks by tomorrow then."

Bilbo glared at Lobelia as she watched Thorin with a frown and rolled his eyes, turning back to Thorin just in time to see him laughing.

"Oh, I cannot say I'm surprised. People often say they wish for their children to surpass them in talent, I guess Gandalf would encourage the same in his foster children."

"Of course I do. I would wish nothing less than to raise the best."

Lobelia met Bilbo's eyes and they both rolled them before Lobelia went back to unpacking the shelf section of the small store, leaving Bilbo to deal with being pleasant for now.

Maybe it was time for a lunch break if they were starting to get snappy at strangers.

Bilbo thought about it for a moment before the baby moniter he'd attached to his hip started crackling with a faint noise.

Gandalf and Thorin's attention both left their quiet conversation to look at him and Thorin's eyebrows with up. Bilbo flushed a little and shrugged, "I better go check on Frodo. If he's up, he'll be wanting lunch soon."

Bilbo made his escape with a sigh before slipping into the tiny play room Frodo had been napping in. He wondered for a moment if Thorin thought Frodo was his before shrugging. Even though he isn't, he still is in a way. No use in saying otherwise.

"Oh, Frodo, sweetling, did you sleep well?"

Frodo pushed his little head up from where he was smushed into a pillow on the couch, one of the first things they had moved into the shop, if only to give the tiny three year old a place to crash when he needed it.

He didn't say anything but demandingly held his arms up in a plea to be cuddled. Bilbo hoisted the tiny boy into his arms before sitting on the sleep warm place on the couch, burring his face in Frodo's dark curls.

"Food?"

Bilbo chuckled a little and shifted the dead weight in his arms into a more comfortable position so he could kiss at the marks the pillow had left on Frodo's cheek.

"Yeah, sweetling. Lunch soon."

He stood with his little burden in his arms and shifted the slowly waking boy onto his hip. He winced at Frodo's thumb going into his mouth and grabbed the diaper bag from next to the couch and looked around in it for a pacifier. Once he coaxed the thumb out of his mouth and replaced it with something much cleaner, he nodded to himself, gently checking that his pull up was still dry, and walking out of the back room with him.

He paused just before getting back into the main room and cocked his head to the side.

"Is Gandalf forcing you to do that?"

Thorin looked up from where he was moving some of the heavier boxes (that both Lobelia and Bilbo had complained about earlier and proceeded to avoid until now) and smiled, "Uh, no. I figured that since I was intruding on you all working, I might as well help out a little. As soon as I suggested that, your sister waster no time at all in making me help."

Bilbo scrunched up his nose again, wondering if he should be angry at Lobelia for being so forward before deciding to drop it.

But, mostly because watching Thorin's arm muscles move was a distracting thing.

Damn, he looked like he could hold a person up without a wall or anything...

Then again, a lot of people looked like they could pin Bilbo to a wall, but that was bad genetics.

Anyways though, Thorin's arms... they were very interesting...

"You know anywhere that delivers around here? Or just someplace close enough that does take out. The mini fridge doesn't get here til tomorrow, so I didn't bother packing much more than snacks..."

He looked down at Frodo who was now looking up at him accusingly at the idea of having to wait for his lunch.

Never let it be said that a Baggins didn't have a hearty appitite.

Thorin chuckled a little as he looked down at the toddler as well, "Yeah, there's a child friendly restaurant around the corner. Less than two minutes walk so not very far. It's a nice place."

Bilbo smiled at him and walked over to Gandalf, pushing the toddler into his arms without asking first.

He'd had enough of his shit today, if he wanted him to watch the baby for now, he would.

"What's it called?"

"Bombur's. It's nice, the owner's brother and cousin own the toy shop down the street."

Bilbo grabbed his wallet from one of the drawers behind the counter and nodded, "You staying for lunch then?"

Thorin looked surprised for a moment before flushing, "Oh, you don't have to get anything for me."

Bilbo shrugged and reached over to ruffle Frodo's fluffy hair, "No issue. Gandalf is paying."

Gandalf sat up a little straighter, wondering when he agreed to that, but didn't say anything, wanting to see where this was going.

Thorin snickered a little, "Well in that case, I guess I will."

Bilbo smiled and pulled his hand back from Frodo, making him pout as his current interest was pulled away, "No allergies? Would hate for you to eat something I gave you and have us have to all drive to the hospital anyways."

Thorin shook his head and watched the other man slip out the door without another word.

He turned back to Gandalf and his tiny squirming bundle of cute with a raised eyebrow, "It he always like that?"

"Like what, Master Oakenshield?"

He shrugged a little, "Um... cute?"

He heard a snort behind him and looked back to see Lobelia giving him an odd look, "Totally called that."

He just furrowed his eyebrows at her and crossed his arms until she made a displeased sound and directed him to unpack more boxes.

***

"I thought I told you to get out before I stabbed you?"

Thorin snorted and went to his work station to sit down, "It's my shop."

Dwalin shrugged, "I have appointments today, you don't have one for another hour, and I felt like killing you, I figured it'd be best for you to leave."

Thorin nodded like that made sense and looked over at where Dwalin was concentrating on giving their co-worker Gloin a touch up on a back tattoo that he couldn't reach himself.

"So... I met the new flower shop owner."

Dwalin and Gloin looked up for a moment before going back to watching Gloin bleed, "Is that where you were for so long?"

Thorin nodded, "Yeah, turns out, Bofur was right, Gandalf was over there."

"Oh great, another one of Gandalf's friends moving into the area. I have a feeling he's rounding us all up into one area so he can bomb it later and get rid of us all in one go."

Thorin winced at Gloin's idea and shook his head, "Nah. I don't think he'd hurt his kid. Or his grandkid. He's probably just rounding us all up so he has to travel less when he wants to see one of us."

Dwalin looked up and frowned, "His kid? And grandkid?"

Thorin nodded, "Um, kind of. You know how he has two foster kids? Well, the boy owns the shop now, and he also has a kid of his own now. Well, nephew."

Dwalin snorted, "You're an awful person."

Thorin looked offended, "Why is that."

"You've got that smitten look on your face that says you're gonna be in one of their pants by the end of the week, and I doubt it's gonna be Gandalf or the girl."

Thorin thought that over for a moment before shrugging, "What's wrong with that?"

Dwalin sighed and turned off the tattoo gun. Reaching over to grab some more towels to wipe away the blood again. Gloin bled on him way too much.

"Okay, lets go over this shall we? Gandalf has two kids, both graduated last year."

"Yeah."

"So, he's nineteen at most, probably eighteen, at worst seventeen, because Gandalf is always boasting about how smart his babies are and better than the rest of ours."

Thorin made a face, suddenly getting it, "Oh, that."

Dwalin shook his head, "No, it gets worse."

"How?"

Gloin snickered at the horrified look on Thorin's face. "Well, there's the fact that he was a foster kid, so he's from a broken home, and just took in a kid himself also from a broken home, and is attempting to raise a child at the tender age of either barely legal, or not legal at all. Are you sure casual sex is what the kid needs now?"

Thorin winced, "Okay, yes, I see your point, now shut up and drop it. I'm not looking to get thrown into jail for statutory rape anyways. Besides, that's not even close to what Gandalf would do to me if I hurt his kid."

"No it is not, so don't be stupid."

"Okay, okay, I'm not gonna fuck the kid."

Dwalin snorted and shook his head, "Well don't go making promises you can't keep. I'm just saying, don't hurt him, and don't do anything illegal."

Thorin snorted back and leaned back in his chair, wondering if it would be forward of him to ask Bilbo how old he was the next time he saw him.

***

"Frodo, don't bite that, please."

Frodo glared up at him and let the computer mouse go with a scorn that could only be found in the mind of a toddler that had two loose teeth and wanted them out, now.

"Hurts."

Bilbo nodded placatingly and lifted the tiny boy into his arms. He really hated to say it, but those teeth were probably going to resettle at least once before coming out at all, and that could take a year just to happen at all.

He carried the toddler into the playroom and crouched in front of the mini fridge, grabbing the teething ring out of the freezer and heading back into the main room in time to hear the bell on top of the door open for the third time today.

They'd only been open for a week now, so one of them had actually been the owner of the tea shop across the way coming in to finally say hi.

The boy that had just come in though looked like he wasn't much younger than Bilbo was himself though, probably still in high school.

"Hi, can I help you?"

The long haired blonde looked over at him a little nervously before his eyes settled on Frodo and softened, smiling brightly at the little boy.

"Actually, I read in the window that you were looking for an employee."

Bilbo looked excited at the prospect.

He hadn't had much to do yet, but to be honest, he was going to need the help soon. He already had more than a few customers, and they seemed to be coming in fast. Gandalf probably had something to do with that though.

Either way though, he was going to need a second person here soon what with the stupid promise he'd made two of his cousins last week, to watch their kids since they lived and worked so close by. Plus, Hamfast was going to start bringing Sam by soon enough.

Sam and Frodo loved each other and Bilbo was happy for Merry and Pippin and Sam to come by to keep Frodo entertained, but he had the feeling he was about to be in over his head.

"Oh yes I am. Do you have a resume?"

The blonde suddenly looked bashful and flushed a little, shaking his head, "Um, no? I could make one, but I'm not sure how much sense it would make now that I think about it."

Bilbo pried the clinging toddler off of his lap and set him down so he could get up, letting the boy cling to his pants leg instead while trying to puncture the teething ring furiously.

"How about you just tell me instead. I assume that means your work experience is odd?"

The boy nodded, "Actually, I- it's funny I guess, I live in a communal home, nearly a hundred people, so I've never actually worked outside of the house, but I've been looking for a job elsewhere to get out more. I thought this might be a good idea because I always tended to work in the gardens or decorating, so I'm fairly familiar with fauna."

Bilbo's eyebrows went up and he cocked his head, staring a little harder at the teen, "Hmm... I only know of one communal house around here that big, are you by any chance the son of the owner of the house?"

He flushed a little harder, looking worried, "Um, yeah. My dad runs the place. It's not a cult or anything, a lot of people think it is though."

Bilbo laughed, sounding more than amused, "Oh, no worries about that, I have no doubt it's not a cult. I guess I should introduce myself a bit, I'm Bilbo Baggins, foster child of Gandalf Grey."

The boys eyebrows went up as well, "Oh, so you've met my father then?"

Bilbo nodded, "Yes. I must admit, mister Greenleaf, he's not a person I like to stay in the presence of for too long."

The teen bit back a grin, "Yeah, why do you think I'm looking for work outside of the house? Call my Legolas, please? While I do love my ada, I also love being able to come and go as I please. If he had his way, I'd stay in the house at all times, get home schooled with the littluns and always stay in sight. None of the teens there want to get home schooled though, not even Tauriel, and she loves it there more than anyone, 'cept for ada probably."

Bilbo laughed again, "Oh, well I can see why you'd jump at the first job opening you saw. Well, I hate to say it, but I don't actually have forms for you to fill out yet, so if you do end up getting it, those might not come in till later since I still have to make them. Sometimes I wonder why I let Gandalf talk me into getting a shop with so little ready."

Legolas shrugged a bit, "It's Gandalf. He can convince anyone of anything."

Bilbo nodded and reached under the counter for a notepad to at least get some contact information from him, "So, and this might sound weird, are you any good with children?"

"Well, I get saddled with babysitting duties all the time, so I have to be."

"But do you like them?"

Legolas nodded enthusiastically with a smile, "Of course. Precious little angels, all of them."

Bilbo nodded decisively, "Good."

***

"Your dad is weird."

Legolas smirked, "You're just noticing this?"

Bilbo shook his head and tried to pry the bottle of flower fertilizer Frodo had claimed for some unknown reason out of his hands.

It was not working all that well.

"Nah, noticed it the first time I met him. It's like, he thinks he's the king and needs to be obeyed at all times, but, I've never seen someone so protective over the people that lives with him, and it's such a contradiction. I like him, but I can see why you don't hang around him too much."

Legolas snorted and tried to help him coax the toddler into giving up possession of his bottle with a smile. He liked Frodo. Even when he was weird.

He was always weird.

The bell above the door jingled and they both looked up, seeing Gloin, one of the artists who worked at the tattoo parlor, in the doorway with his son behind him.

Gloin had taken to coming over nearly once a week, looking for potted flowers that could go in the garden or around the house. Never let it be said that Gloin didn't spoil his wife. Cause he does.

The teenager behind him looked bored and kind of tired.

It was only nine in the morning, and some people didn't like being up this early.

Bilbo and Legolas gave up on prying the bottle out of the grumpy boys hands for now and left him, sitting on a blanket next to a stack of crates, glaring at anyone who dared to come near him.

Bilbo went to go help Gloin once more and Legolas decided to say hello to the teenager.

"Hi. Say, do I know you?"

The teen startled at being talked to and turned to reply but stopped, suddenly staring.

The teen talking to him was... cute? His long blonde hair was tied up into a neat pony tail and falling over one shoulder, the paleness all over drawing Gimli to look at his eyes, impossibly bright and shining.

Gimli suddenly remembered that he'd been asked a question and shook himself a bit to clear his head, "Uh, I'd probably remember that face if I'd seen it before."

They both flushed a little, Legolas at the compliment, and Gimli after realizing he'd just complimented him.

Legolas' mouth dropped open a little before clacking shut again, "Um, no, I swear I've seen you before. What school do you go to?"

"Dale."

Legolas nodded, "Oh, that's where... so you out with your ada today?"

Gimli snorted, looking over at his dad with slight annoyance, "First day apprenticing at the tattoo parlor actually. Why I had to get here an hour before they even open I have no idea. Only Thorin and Dwalin have keys right now, so we have to wait for them."

Legolas smiled a little, "Hmm, you've never seen your ada in a flower shop, have you?"

Gimli raised an eyebrow before nodding, "Yes, I suppose you're right. I might be here a while. Got a corner I can nap in?"

Legolas smiled and shook his head, "Nah, you don't need a nap, come help me with the baby though."

Gimli looked confused before Legolas lead him to the corner that Frodo was still hiding in, clutching the fertilizer bottle in both hands, as if he knew Legolas was going to attempt to take it back any moment.

Such a smart littlun.

***

"So... how old are you exactly?"

Bilbo looked up at Thorin curiously, "Hmm... how old are you?"

Thorin flushed a little, "Uh, um twenty-four."

Bilbo hummed a little and nodded, "So, if I say I'm legal, would you still want the exact number, or would that be enough?"

Thorin grinned, "I guess that would be enough... for now."

Bilbo just smirked and reached up, grabbing the front of Thorin's shirt in both hands and pulling downward until Thorin bent down for him, pressing their lips together with a smile before letting go.

"Good, because I am."

***

"Ah Yavanna, look at it all! I'm gonna die!" Bilbo looked at Merry a little bit scared at his enthusiasm, but it seemed that all of the littluns were in agreement with him if their faces were anything to go by.

Pippin actually looked even more excited if possible, but he wasn't exactly good with words yet.

"Okay, have at it, all of you pick out one thing. Only one."

There were cheers as the toddlers all scrambled away from him, and for a moment Bilbo almost felt bad for setting them on the toy store like that. Only a moment though. It was a toy store, they should be used to this by now.

A look at the counter told Bilbo that maybe they didn't see this all that often. A man with black and white hair was looking at them all warily, as if worried they were just going to turn on him and destroy him entirely.

Bilbo didn't blame him.

Bilbo went up to the counter and smiled, "Hi. I'm Bilbo, I work in the flower shop down the street."

The man cocked his head to the side before lifting both hands. It took a moment but suddenly Bilbo understood that he was using sign language. His mouth dropped into a little 'o' and he frowned.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I understand you just fine but I don't actually speak it myself."

"It's fine. He can hear you perfectly well."

Bilbo frowned, "So he just doesn't speak though?"

Bofur set down a wooden box and smiled at him, pulling out a smooth hunk of wood from the inside and a knife set. "Nah, he just doesn't speak Westron. Khuzdul is his mother tongue, but most people around here don't speak it. He understands us just fine, he just has issues speaking it."

Bilbo nodded, "Yeah, I've heard it spoken before, it's very different than Westron."

"Name's Bifur, he's my cousin."

Bilbo smiled and turned back to Bifur who had pulled out his own hunk of wood and knife set, "Oh, you guys do carvings? What kind?"

Bofur puffed up a little, looking proud and pointed to one of the shelves in the back of the store, lined with beautiful carvings. Frodo was standing in front of it, stroking one finger gently down the side of one of them. Bilbo was worried for a moment that he'd pick one of them up and break it in his usual death grip that he kept over things, but he didn't. Just kept watching it, his little pacifier bobbing in his mouth and face looking awed.

"Looks like someone likes them."

Bofur sat up a little and peered over the counter to see the little boy too, smiling at the way he was gazing so lovingly at the statues.

"Hmm... looks like it."

***

"So, let me get this straight," Bilbo didn't look up from the papers he was filling out, content to pay as little attention to this conversation until he could figure out where he had fucked this one up, as possible, "you're running away?"

Legolas sighed and set another crate of flowers down, arranging them into other spots in the store, "No, I'm not running away. But, I live in a house with nearly a hundred people in it. Sometimes you just need to get away from them all."

Bilbo tossed the paper aside, wondering if he could get Gandalf to help him with it later and sighed, "Where are you staying until you decide to go back?"

Lagolas shrugged, "Not the first time I've done this. I'll get someone to take me in. If not, well, I can always get a motel room for a night and try again the next day."

Bilbo frowned and shook his head a little, "Just stay with me. I could always use a helper around the house."

Legolas looked at him with a frown, "You really don't have to do that."

Bilbo shrugged, "Yeah, I know, but why shouldn't I?"

Legolas nodded a little, "Oh. How long can I stay. I like to get out of the house for as long as I can before going back."

Bilbo snorted, "That must make your dad so very happy. Lets try a week."

Legolas frowned again, "Hmm, last time I did it, he brought lunch to school for me and the other kids in the home every day for a week. Said something about not wanting me to buy gross processed food. Ada pretends he's distant and doesn't care, but he does."

Bilbo smiled, "That sounds nice."

Legolas smiled a little, "Yeah. He's great. But only when he's not pretending to be all high and mighty."

He shrugged and went back to his work.

***

"I didn't know you could get a tattooing license before you're eighteen."

Gimli looked up and frowned at the doorway before his eyes suddenly lit up seeing Legolas standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He got up to take them from the other teen with a smile.

"You can't. They have me working with hena right now."

Legolas hummed a little and nodded, "Like, hand designs and stuff?"

Gimli looked at the card on the bouquet before putting the flowers on Dwalin's desk.

It didn't say who it was from, but Gimli had this feeling that it was from Ori, who was still in high school, and very underage. Also, with two big brother that might kidnap and torture him to death if they found out.

Dwalin was trying so hard to be a good person in that situation.

"Well, it can go all over, but yeah. Why, are you thinking of getting something? You don't have to get your adad's permission for hena."

Legolas raised an eyebrow, "Really. That sounds delightful. He has nothing against tattoos, and he'd probably sign one for me if I asked, but I have no idea what I want yet, might as well try a few things out first."

Gimli nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah! Some people like to only get hena, no matter what. They say it's soothing to be able to either go without it for a long time or to change it regularly."

Legolas smiled at how bright he looked about it and nodded along. "I'll uh, I'll be sure to keep that in mind. I'll think it over and come back, probably tomorrow to make an appointment."

Gimli sighed a little as he watched the teen walk out the door, looking back at him a few times with a light blush on his cheeks.

"You're so screwed."

Gimli just turned to glare at Thorin for a moment before raising an eyebrow, "And you're not?"

Thorin frowned at him and nodded, "Yeah. That I am."

"Hey, at least if one of us gets hurt, we can both chalk it up to being young and stupid. If you find a way to hurt Bilbo, I'm not sure we'll even find your body."

Thorin nodded grimly, "Yes, rub it in, thank you."

Gimli shrugged, "Well, it could be worse, if Dwalin fucks up, we'll find the body, but it will be in pieces."

Thorin smirked, "Yeah. Such a nice thought."

***

"So, do all your friends and family have those cute curls? Cause, from what I've seen, yes, they all do."

Bilbo snorted and leaned away from Thorin's prodding fingers, trying not to grin as he focused on his typing instead of the fingers pulling at his curls.

Damn that felt good though.

"Yes. And if you hang around with us for too long, you'll catch it too. Ye be warned."

Thorin snorted, "Eh, I'll just tie it up tighter, it's fine."

Bilbo smiled and turned to look at Thorin with a grin, "I'm so glad that you accept the consequences of being around me. It makes me feel so good to know."

Thorin nodded, "Yes, but you must accept the consequences of hanging out with me too."

Bilbo leaned in and gave Thorin a tiny peck on the corner of his mouth, "What would that be?" His hands came up to tug on the two braids on either side of Thorin's face, secretly hoping he didn't tie those up too.

"Hmm... well, Fili and Kili might start calling you 'Uncle' and that might become an issue."

Bilbo shook his head, "That's not an issue. Frodo calls me uncle, so do Sam and Merry and Pippin. They all call Gandalf 'grandsire' and that's weird for everyone because he's not related to any of them. Gandalf doesn't mind though, he encourages it. It's very bad. He's a bad influence."

Thorin snorted and leaned in to nuzzle the teens neck, smiling when he leaned into him, not even attempting to push him away like he did before.

"I'm sure he is."

"What other consequences are there?"

"Well... there's that one where my friends might start thinking that you're their friend too, and while they're not bad friends, they will drag you into shit that might scar you for life."

Bilbo shrugged, "Why not. I'm still a teen, don't get out nearly enough, you know, what with having a child already and all, but nah, I haven't done nearly my fair share of stupid scarring shit yet. Lets do it."

Thorin snorted, "Sure. And when one of them manages to get you hurt, and Gandalf comes knocking down my door to get payback?"

Bilbo gave him a bright smile, "Then you'll take it like a man, and let him beat the crap out of you. Besides, he's old, how much harm can he do?"

Thorin pulled back and gave him a dubious look, "You don't seriously believe that, do you?"

Bilbo snorted, "Of course not. He could probably kill with his little finger if he wanted to and there is nothing either of us could do to stop him."

"Yes, this puts my mind to rest."

Bilbo nodded proudly, "Good."

***

"I can't believe you're only eighteen and already own a shop. I'm sixteen and the biggest thing I've accomplished in my life was that one time I ended up in the newspapers when I was like, six, because I was apparently less stupid than all the adults around me and said something smart."

Bilbo snickered a little, "Oh, don't worry. You can always stay here for the rest of your life and be my live-in babysitter."

Legolas perked up, head coming off of Bilbo's kitchen table a little to look at him hopefully, "Really? I can be here forever and ever?"

Bilbo nodded, "Yes. I need someone good with house work. I'm spoiled, never had to do it before living alone. I hate it."

Legolas smiled and sat up, "Good, lets get a fake marriage going too so we can get a tax benefit."

Bilbo nodded seriously, "Of course."

"Bilbo, did you just offer to marry pointy ears for money?"

Bilbo turned to Thorin who was standing in the doorway, looking disapproving and smiled, "Yeah. Don't worry, I'm cheating on you, but it's only platonically."

Thorin rolled his eyes and sat, caddy-corner to Bilbo with a frown, "Okay, but not sexually."

"Sure, all good with me."

Thorin turned to Legolas and raised and eyebrow, "You must be really desperate to get out of that house."

Legolas just smiled at him a little, "You have no idea."

"I know how this one is gonna end. One of you is gonna get in a really bad mood, and they other one is gonna do something stupid, like eat all the donuts, and then we're gonna find a dead body."

Bilbo thought about it for a moment before nodding along with Legolas, "Yeah."

***

"Don't you think, maybe you should just cool down for like, two years? You know, until you're legal and your brothers won't kill him if he looks at you wrong?"

Ori snorted and tried his hardest at getting Frodo and Sam to uncling from him, sound asleep and tight gripped. "Trust me, they'll try and kill him no matter what age I am. They're overprotective and evil."

Legolas shook his head in amusement, "Na ah. Can't be. That sweet sweet man who owns me and ada's favorite tea shop? Cause last I checked, he was nice, and he always keeps ada's favorite tea in stock. Even though it smells like icky feet."

Ori just giggled a little and finally got them detached, following Legolas out into the main store.

"Yeah. He's evil and he knows it."

"All the more reason for you to calm down and not try and get him killed."

Ori shrugged, "Yeah, but if I don't keep him at least interested, he'll end up with someone else."

"Nah, he's completely smitten with you."

Ori looked up at Thorin in surprise, "Really? He is?"

Thorin nodded, knowing Dwalin would kill him if he found out, "Yeah. Thinks your cute."

A smile spread across Ori's face and it looked a little scary. "That's good. My plans are working then."

He left the store with a lofty air about him, looking like nothing could get him down today.

"What just happened?"

Bilbo shook his head, signing some papers and not looking up, "You just awoke a teenage monster. He's going to go into full on stalker mode soon."

Bilbo's eyebrows furrowed at his own words and he looked down at his papers with a frown.

"You okay?"

Bilbo looked up, kind of dazed and unhappy looking, "Uh, yeah."

***

"So, why did you and Gandalf move to this side of town anyways? You came here like three years ago, right?"

Bilbo paused, no longer cutting veggies for the roast he was going to stick in the oven. He must have paused for too long though, cause he soon enough felt Thorin's arms slide around his waist, having abandoned watching Frodo colour at the table to see what was wrong with Bilbo.

"You okay."

Bilbo smiled. It wasn't even a fake smile. He could honestly smile even while thinking about it. He was so over it.

"Well, my parents died when I was still thirteen, and Gandalf took me in before I was fourteen..."

"So it was time for a new change?"

Bilbo stayed silent for a moment before shaking his head, "No, there was this kid, he was like eighteen when I was going into freshman year... he, uh... started stalking me, and by sophomore year it was bad enough that we all needed to move. You know, it's funny, I expected Lobelia to argue that she had so many friends and it was so unfair on me to drag her away, but she was actually the first one to start looking for houses here... Guess she really is a good sister."

Thorin frowned, "Stalking huh, how bad was it?"

Bilbo shurgged and went back to chopping, "We had to get a restraining order. After the third time he violated it it was time to get out. He was a real creep, always calling me 'precious'... Ah Yavanna, please don't ever call me precious."

Thorin gave a dry laugh, "Don't worry, I'll refrain."

Bilbo nodded and started layering the roast with the veggies. "Good. This will only be another thirty minutes at most."

Thorin nodded and went back to trying to tame Frodo's wild curls.

This was a futile effort. Baggins' curls cannot be tamed.

***

"They're so freaking cute though. No way they can be related to you."

Thorin made an offended noise in Bilbo's ear, the two of them watching Fili and Kili play with Frodo and Sam determinedly. You know, despite the two tantrums Frodo had already thrown today, and the fact that they both looked very weary of him.

It's not that Frodo didn't like the boys, or that he was a normally ill mannered child, but some days were harder than others. Some days, the best thing Bilbo can do for him was to hold him until he didn't feel like screaming anymore.

Bilbo still had days like that.

He hated to think it, but Frodo was so much younger than he was when he lost his parents, he'd be lucky if he even remembered much of them in two or three years.

Of course, Bilbo would tell him lots, but he'd be lucky to remember them on his own.

It's a bad thing because no one wants to forget such good people. Especially not Bilbo, who had been best friends with his older cousin before he'd gotten married, had a baby and named him godfather.

But, it's good, because it means he'll get past it and be able to move on without having bad days like these for the rest of his life like Bilbo probably would.

Sometimes he envied him, and sometimes he pitied him.

Frodo didn't deserve either of those.

Frodo just needed to be loved and cared for like any other little boy, and Bilbo was more than willing to give him that.

Frodo just wasn't fully ready to allow him to yet, though.

He'd get there.

***

"What's he doing with the pretty flowers, Mister Bilbo?"

Bilbo smiled at Kili and pulled him into his arms from where he was sitting a few feet away from Frodo in the front of the shop, close enough to the hallway that they wouldn't be in the way of any customers coming in.

"He's making flower crowns. The therapist said that using his hands is a good way to relive stress. He likes colouring well enough, but he loves flower crowns."

Kili sat back against him and nodded, "Why's he making so many?"

Bilbo hummed, "He's gotta make enough for everyone."

"Oh. That's good."

***

"We have flowers!"

Bifur jumped in place, nearly knocking a stack of kites over as his store was suddenly over run by those evil little demons that Thorin called his 'can do no harm, sweethearts'

Yeah... right.

He sighed when he suddenly found a shyly shuffling Kili standing in front of him, biting his lip and clasping his little hands behind his back. Bifur could see a flower wreath held in both hands and knelt down, deciding to get this over with and try not to make the lad cry.

"May I help you, little prince?" The soft Khuzdal words made Kili smile up at him and take his hands out from behind his back.

"Frodo was making flower crowns at Bilbo's shop today because Bilbo says it helps him relive stress, like how you and uncle Bofur says whittling helps."

Bifur nodded, deciding not to tell the lad that his accent was kind of off for the pronunciation of some of his words. He was still learning.

The front door opened again and that blonde shop boy that Bilbo kept around stepped in, hand firmly clutched in Frodo's as they walked. The little boy's eyes found him and he tugged Legolas over, giving him an expectant look and frowning behind his pacifier.

Bifur took a moment to realize he was waiting for him to take the crown, and did so, noticing that Kili, Legolas and Frodo were all wearing them too. He shoved the thing on his head and gave the boy a grin, hoping to alleviate the death glare he seemed to be getting from him.

Frodo nodded as if that was that and all was well and turned around, tugging Legolas out the door once more.

He liked that kid.

***

"But, do I have-"

"Yes, now shut up and put it on."

Ori sighed and cringed at the flower crown. It seems his adversion to green things extends beyond food. Legolas just smirked at him and nodded, much like Frodo had before they had left the toy store.

Kili frowned up at him and tugged on Ori's sleeve. Ori made a questioning noise in the back of his throat.

"You should tell him he did a good job on it. He might cry."

Ori's eyes widened and he looked over at where Frodo was demanding Nori put his crown on this instand and nodded. Nori did as he was told and tickled Frodo for his troubles. Frodo just glared at him, trying not to laugh.

This was a very serious matter, can people not see that?

Dori sat behind the counter at the back of the store, stoically wearing his new accessory with pride while complimenting Frodo on the excellent craftsmanship put into it.

Frodo was satisfied with this evendor.

***

"Uncle, Uncle! Gues what we have!"

Thorin was thankful that his tattoo gun was off right now, because that is one lawsuit he didn't want on his hands right now.

Even so, he nearly spilled peroxide on the woman's lap he had been working on, looking up at her sheepishly. She ignored him though, looking curiously at the three boys standing in the entrance of the shop.

Thorin looked over and couldn't help but smile. "What would that be, Kili?"

He went back to working on her but listened closely.

"Mister Bilbo, he said that Frodo was making flower crowns because it's soothing to work with his hands, and he made lots and lots, and now we're giving them out to everyone, cause we made them for them. Oh yeah! I made some too."

Thorin cursed himself for grinning so hard in front of a customer. He was supposed to be badass and rude here. He couldn't hold back his smile though.

"Really? You made some too?"

"Yes-ums. I maded one, aspecial. I made it for Fee."

Thorin turned to him with soft eyes, peeling open a bandage to stick over the wound on the womans side as he watched Frodo and Legolas force a flower crown on a slightly protesting Dwalin and a happily accepting Gloin. "How about you go get Fili out of the backroom so you can give it to him?"

He turned back to the woman with a smile. "Sorry. My boyfriend owns the flower shop across the street. His kid likes making crowns."

She just grinned at him, about to reply before she felt a tiny hand tugging on her wrist.

She looked down to see Frodo staring at her with big eyes, pacifier bobbing nervously as her eyed her up. "Yes, littlun?"

He smiled a little and held something out to her, making her eyes widen as she saw the well made flower crown being held out. "Oh, thank you, sweetheart. That's so nice."

He grinned and waited for her to take it before moving on to Thorin, who felt like his face was going to split with how wide he was grinning.

Stupid children. Always making him go all soft and mushy inside.

Also Bilbo. He made him go mushy too. Well, some mushy, but one part always went hard.

Stupid cute humans.

Frodo held another out and reached up, plucking his pacifier, something that Thorin had never actually seen him willingly do.

"Unca Bilo made."

Thorin's mind reset.

Like, seriously, he's pretty sure he's broken.

Frodo gave him a worried look as he stared vacantly down at him.

He'd just realized that he's never heard Frodo speak before.

Actually, he'd always just assumed that he didn't speak yet and probably wouldn't for a while yet.

"Master Oakenshield?"

Thorin's head came up to look at the woman sitting before him and shut his mouth with a small clack, looking back at Frodo with a gentle smile, "Thank you, Frodo. Make sure you tell Bilbo that I love it. It's very nicely made."

Frodo stuck the pacifier back in and staying staring at him until he had the crown situated on top of his head with a smile, before running off to grab Legolas's hand again, watching Gimli turn bright red at being given his own crown and Fili hugging Kili to his chest, petting his messy hair and telling him that it was the best gift that anyone had ever given him in his life.

Thorin turned back to the woman with a smile. "Sorry, Arwen, it's just, that's the first time I've ever actually heard him speak."

She looked thoughtful for a moment, "Hmm... It's a beautiful voice though."

Thorin was back to smiling his dopey smile, "Yeah. It is. I hope he starts talking more soon."

She nodded and grabbed her jacket, "Well, I don't think I need the 'keep clean and don't do stupid things' speech. This isn't exactly my first."

"Of course not."

She nodded and stood up, "I gotta get home, I have a shift in three hours, still have laundry to do and a boyfriend to bully into taking a nap before his shift tonight."

Thorin nodded, "Have fun with that."

"I will."

***

"So, why did you buy a flower shop right after high school?"

Bilbo shrugged, wiping his hands on a towel after coming out of the playroom, fingers sticky with apple juice.

"Why not?"

"Well, why not go to college?"

Bilbo gave Thorin a thoughtful look before shrugging again, "Ew. More school."

Thorin chuckled a little, unable to bite back the grin on his face at the answer, "Best answer ever."

"I had the money my parents left me to do it, and I didn't want to go to college at all. I don't see anything wrong with that. Besides, I hear that trying to go to school with a child is a bigger hassle than it's worth for most people. I'm not into college in the first place, so if I did it with Frodo, I'd probably just flunk out anyways."

Thorin thought about asking if he'd ever considered leaving Frodo with Gandalf or someone else but stopped.

He probably hadn't.

***

"He's such a sweet little thing when he's not trying to kill people with his eyes."

Bilbo snickered at Gimli's words and didn't correct him.

There was nothing to correct.

Legolas just smiled and poked Frodo in the side again, loving the way he squealed in his ear and tried to pull away.

"While tickling the baby is all and fine, don't break him please."

Legolas looked up at Bilbo and sulluted. "Sure thing, boss."

***

"So... I'm thinking of getting out of the house again."

Bilbo raised an eyebrow and frowned, "Didn't you do that last month for two weeks too? I'm gonna have to start charging you rent. Or at least use you as a free babysitting service."

Legolas grinned at him and shook his head, "Nah, Gloin said I can stay with them for a week."

Bilbo's frown turned into a grin very fast, "Oh really now?"

"Yeah... 'cept, he said he's making a mandatory 'sleep in your own room' rule. Darn."

"Sounds about right."

***

"Is he serious right now?"

Bilbo pulled back from Thorin's mouth with a groan, glaring at the baby monitor on the table.

There are a very clear voice coming through saying 'need water, now.' over and over.

Bilbo sighed and looked up at Thorin, who didn't actually look as annoyed as he was trying to sound. "He's just a little thing, Thorin, can't expect him to get his own water."

Thorin nodded and watched him go fill up a plastic sippy before looking at his watch.

"I need to head back to Dis and the boys anyway. She asked if I can take them to school tomorrow."

Bilbo nodded and walked him to the door, reaching up to pull him down for another kiss. "Don't worry, next time."

Thorin snorted, "We've been saying that for several months now."

Bilbo giggled a little in response, "Yeah. Oops."

***

"How do you get into town every day?"

Legolas raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

Bilbo shrugged, "Well, the Mirkwood property is like, what, five minutes out of town? Do you ride a bike or something?"

Legolas shook his head, "Nah, the teens all go to the high school in town, or at least, most of them do, so they send a bus out for us. There are so many people living there though that most of them have jobs in town, so I catch a ride with them if there's no school, or when I'm heading home again. Not that hard."

Bilbo nodded, "So are you saving up for a car then?"

Legolas nodded, "Sure. Might as well. Barely spend the money I make on anything else. Sounds like a good idea."

Bilbo just smiled and went back to trying to get a pair of mittens on Frodo. It was starting to get cold.

***

"Yule is nearly here."

Legolas looked up from where he was doing his homework on the coffee table in Gloin's living room with Gimli and smiled. "Yeah. I suppose I'll have to go back to Ada's house soon. He'd pout himself into a headache if I wasn't there for it."

Gloin smiled a little and nodded, "Of course. Wouldn't want your da to get snickety. Remember that man from when we were in high school together. He'd get downright cute when he didn't get his way."

Gimli gave his adad an odd look before settling back on watching Legolas' cute pointy ears move ever so slightly when he chewed on his pencil, reaching up to tuck his hair behind them to get it out of his way.

Gloin left the room to go help his wife make dinner while humming, wondering if she was going to make a special Yule feast this year.

Gimli waited until he was sure his adad wasn't going to come back before scooting over a little. "You know, your hair wouldn't be in your eyes if you braided it, or put it up or something like that."

Legolas paused, not looking up but quietly answering, "Yeah... there are lots of ways to put hair up. Got any ideas in mind?"

Gimli smiled and scooted closer again, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

***

"I like your new hair style."

Legolas rolled his eyes and attempted to remove Frodo's mittens off his fingers. Seems like once they finally got them on, the only issue was getting them off.

"Gimli did it the first time. I liked it so I kept it. Ada called me cute and didn't let me go for half an hour, but I think it was mostly because he missed me."

Bilbo snickered and tugged on one of the braids tucked behind his ears as he went past. "He probably only did it because he likes your ears."

"That's weird. Pointy ears aren't that abnormal. You have them."

"Doesn't mean he isn't allowed to like them."

"...It's still weird."

"Yeah."

***

"Ada, if you needed something in town today, you could have just asked me to get it for you."

Thranduil smiled and stopped poking at a venus fly trap (they got a few asks for them, and still had one or two left over from summer, it was helpful though) with childish glee, watching it try to close around his finger like Merry and Pippin often did, and stood up straight, beaming at his ionn. "Oh, but I have many things to pick up today. I cannot let my ionn pick them up for me, it would ruin many surprises. I do not get out enough as it is."

Legolas nodded, amused at his ada's enthusiasm, snickering when he watched it grow as Bilbo came out of the back with a new create of poinsettias, setting them in front of him, nearly just as amused as Legolas was.

"Oh, these are beautiful!" Thranduil poked at them with glee, inspecting them all to make sure they were up to his standards before nodding decisively. "These are just fine. The next shipment will be here tomorrow, you say?"

Bilbo nodded, "Yeah, four creates tomorrow."

Thranduil nodded, "Would it be too much to ask you to put at least one aside for me?"

Bilbo's eyes went wide, "Just how big is that house of yours?"

Legolas shrugged, "Very."

Bilbo smiled and nodded, "Of course. At least one create will be here to pick up tomorrow."

Thranduil smiled before pausing, leaning bodily to the side to see behind Bilbo, making them both look at him odd before he broke out into a grin again, "Oh, is that little Frodo? Gandalf has told me so much about him since you took him in. He just adores the little one."

Bilbo turned around and smiled, letting the sleepy child climb into his arms and turning back around with him.

Frodo looked between Thranduil and Legolas with a furrowed brow, seeing a resemblance between them.

"Frodo, this is Thranduil, Legolas' dad."

Frodo took a moment to register that before nodding, and then going back to nodding off a little while Thranduil cooed in the background.

Such a sweet boy.

***

"Are you sick? Are you dying? Are you going to get better? One time, Uncle Thorin got sick, and I was sure, very sure he was going to die, I had already claimed his CD player and everything, but then he didn't. He wasn't very happy that I put stickers on it. I got in trouble for that."

Bilbo looked, wide eyed at the tiny ball of fluffy hair and excitement, wondering if there was any particular reason he'd woken up to him staring him right in the eye and mumbling about how he'd never been to a funeral before.

This child was morbid.

"Kili! He's not going to die! Get your ass out here and eat your breakfast!" Thorin. That was Thorin.

Bilbo squinted at the clock next to his bed and nearly fell out of it in his haste to freak out. Shit, it was way too late to be awake on a work day, and even more than that, he had a baby to take care of.

"You! Get your cute butt back into that bed right now!"

Thorin stood in the doorway, holding a grumpy looking Frodo to his side and sternly pointing to the bed.

"What?"

Thorin looked at him like he was worried Bilbo might have hit his head.

It felt like he had hit his head.

"Do you not remember last night?"

Bilbo looked around the room, hoping that something here could give him an answer. He turned back to Thorin and shrugged. "Nope. Why, did I do something? Am I in trouble?"

Thorin sighed and turned around, leaving the room for a moment and returning without Frodo.

"Are you abusing my baby, is that it? Why can't I see my Frodo?"

Thorin snorted and gently led him by his elbow to the bed. "Fili and Kili will watch him for now. Just get back into bed and close your eyes."

Bilbo shook his head, stopping when he felt his stomach respond in a very bad way to that and gripping onto Thorin's arm, "I have to pee."

Thorin made a soft noise and nodded, leading him into the en suit with a smile.

Bilbo didn't wait for him to leave the room, but at least waited for him to turn around. Bilbo wasn't fully sure he'd be able to catch himself if he started falling over.

"You're blocking the sink, move."

Thorin snorted and waited for him to wash his hands, with a slightly sad smile.

"Okay. I'm fine now. Now tell me what happened."

"Get in bed first."

Bilbo just sighed and let Thorin tuck him in.

"Now?"

"Okay, so last night we were on a date. It was nice."

"Really? Why don't I remember it?"

"Because right afterwords, we got into a car accident."

Bilbo was suddenly sitting up with a fearful look in his eyes, "What? Was anyone hurt? The other car? I mean, I'm obviously alive, and you seem fine, but-"

Thorin shushed him, running one hand up his right arm soothingly and helping him lay back down. Bilbo was suddenly groaning, feeling like he might puke sometime soon.

"No one was hurt, Bilbo. You got the worst of it. There was no other car, your skidded on the ice and hit a pole. Two other cars skidded in that same spot, but didn't crash, so they're not charging us with negligence. The car was still the most beat up thing though."

Bilbo groaned again, "I'm gonna need a new car. Shit."

Thorin shook his head, "Don't worry, I'll drive you places until you do. We work across the street from each other, and I live three blocks from you so it is literally no inconvenience. You have a baby too, you can't afford to argue with me right now."

Bilbo sighed and wearily opened his eyes, "How bad was it?"

"The car or you?"

"Me."

Thorin nodded and moved to lay down next to him, "Hit your head on the steering wheel, pretty bad concussion from that, obviously some memory loss of the incident itself. Both of us got some pretty bad cuts and I've got a bruise the size of a soccer ball on my leg, but you seemed to get the brunt of it. Nothing broken, but the doctor did prescribe some meds for the concussion."

Bilbo thought about nodding for a moment, wondering if the crippling nausea would come back if he did before thinking better of it and grunting.

Words were too hard right now.

Bilbo breathed in and out for about half a minute, waiting for the shock/nausea to pass before speaking again.

"Who brought us home?"

He'd have to thank them for bringing them back.

"The ambulance driver did. He'd just gotten off his shift andhis girlfriend was the ER doctor working on you. I've worked on nearly every tattoo she has, so she has a bit of fondness for me and bullied him into it."

Bilbo cracked the tiniest smile, but it did wonders for lifting Thorin's mood.

"Who was he?"

"Name's Aragorn. Or Estel, or Strider, or whatever the fuck he's going by at the current moment."

Bilbo snorted a laugh at that before groaning in pain, but kept smiling, amused at Thorin's knowledge at so many people around town when Bilbo was still trying to get to know his own neighbors and the other shop keepers.

"You taking the day off with me?"

Thorin smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to Bilbo's lips, "Yeah. Called Legolas and told him what happened. He was really worried and I had to talk him out of coming into town anyways. Said he should spend the day there with his adad for once. Dwalin threatened me that if I came in today he'd be the next reason I took a trip to the ER."

Bilbo grunted again, "Why do you have your nephews then?"

Thorin grinned, "Cause my sister is a heartless bitch and knows I wasn't hurt bad enough to not do it. Besides, it's hard to find a babysitter last minute, and Dwalin isn't a very good one. He feeds them nothing but cake."

"Yeah, good babysitters are hard to come by."

"Yeah."

***

Bilbo sighed for what felt like the millionth time in the last half hour and slumped a little from his place, stomach down on the floor and looking under Frodo's bed, pleading the littlun to come out and put some clothes on.

It was way too early for this shit.

"Let me try."

Bilbo lifted his head enough to stare up at Thorin and frowned, "You sure?"

Thorin nodded, "Yeah. Who do you think gets the boys to their vaccination appointments every year? Not their mother obviously."

Bilbo snorted and pulled himself off the floor, choosing to pull out a nice, eye blindingly bright and colourful outfit for Frodo instead.

He liked his colours bright and painful.

Just as Bilbo was thinking of going to the kitchen to make sure the oatmeal was still edible, he heard some moving behind him and turned around to see Frodo willingly going into Thorin's arms. Bilbo couldn't help his smile at the sight. They were just too cute.

"You go check on breakfast, I've got him."

Bilbo nodded and headed out to the kitchen again.

***

"But, no, you should tell ada that I'm needed here at the shop so he doesn't take me to see Uncle Elrond and his precious little terrors after Yule."

Biblo chuckled, "And why don't you want to see his precious little terrors? I thought you saw Arwen all the time in town?"

Legolas shook his head, "Nah, Arwen is great. She's at least humble enough to not think the world should bow to her whims. The twins are awful."

Bilbo shrugged, "Maybe they're getting better?"

"Nah. If they were they'd probably move out by now. They're older than Arwen."

"Oh. Hmm... My mother used to visit Elrond a lot when I was little. I distinctly remember those two always following me around worried that I was going to do something bad. I thought it was funny at the time cause I was only Frodo's age, but yeah. They're weird."

"I don't want to go."

"Too bad. Your papa loves you and wants you to go."

Legolas just buried his face in the counter, looking desperate.

***

"Puppies!"

They were like swarms. Cute, eating everything in sight, slobber all over, evil.

Animals and children.

Bilbo watched them all interact with a wary look of defeat, wondering if he was going to be coming home with the worlds ugliest kitten ever that Frodo seems to have taken a liking to.

It didn't even look like a kitten at all.

Bilbo had had to ask Beorn it's species just to be sure of what it was.

It's meows sounded like gargling.

Frodo liked it though, crouching down next to it with an intent look on his face and gently petting it with a smile behind his ever present pacifier.

The others at least seemed to be attracted to the more species specific puppies in the corner.

"You know, I'm not 100% sure it's species myself, but it is a nice one. Always willing to cuddle, never gets into any fights, seems great with your kid."

Bilbo looked up at Beorn with a scowl on his face. Well, it says he looked up, but really, he looked up, and up, and up a little bit more.

Jesus that man was a giant. And Bilbo thought Thorin was big.

"It looks like it's been in a few fights anyways."

Beorn cringed, "Yeah, probably. He was moseying about behind my house when I found him, eating raw fish out of a garbage can."

Bilbo turned back to Frodo and couldn't hold back a smile.

Frodo was sitting on the ground, the 'cat' in his lap and petting him with what looked like the utmost care. The little thing seemed to be purring while Frodo whispered to him.

Bilbo sighed and looked up at Beorn again, "I guess I know what we're coming home with then."

Beorn just smiled and nodded, "I'll get the adoption papers ready."

***

"Are you sure it's a cat?"

"Yes Bofur. Beorn seemed very sure of it and I trust his judgement."

Bofur frowned, "But, it's... it's so... I don't even know."

Bilbo nodded, "Yeah, but Frodo likes him. Is there any other reason to not keep the little thing around? Besides, it's friendly, and likes Frodo back, doesn't that mean he's at least worth trying to love? Besides, it's love of raw meat aside, it's a sweet little thing."

Bofur nodded. "What it's name?"

"Smeagol."

"Nice name for a cat."

"Yeah. I thought so too. Gandalf and Frodo named him."

***

"You think he'll like it?"

Gloin and Dwalin looked over Thorin's shoulder into the tiny box in Thorin's hand and smiled, "It's a nice ring if you ask me."

Dwalin poked it a little to turn it in the box, "What do the markings say?"

Thorin picked it up and scowled a little, "Elrond didn't tell me. He said the language it was written in was bad luck and would not be uttered in his house."

They both looked worried at that, "Are you sure it's a good gift to give your beloved then?"

Thorin shrugged, "Took me so long to find the perfect ring, when I saw it, I knew he'd love it more than any other."

Gloin still looked worried but kept it to himself while Dwalin grinned, "What's not to like then?"

"I guess."

***

"It's nice. What do the markings say?"

Throin frowned, "Elrond wouldn't tell me. He's the only one that could read it that I found though."

Bilbo shook his head fondly, "Yeah. He tends to be superstitious. It's High Elven though. Old religion and all that. He always said it was bad luck."

Thorin's eyebrows went up, "You recognize it?"

Bilbo shrugged a little, "I can't read it, but yeah, it's very similar to Sindarian. If I went to college, I think I would have gone for language studies. Either way, I can't read it myself."

"Oh. Well, I'll just trust that it's something special. Wouldn't have drawn me in so fast if it wasn't."

Bilbo turned to him with a sappy look, "Does that mean I must be special too?"

"Hmm, I guess you are."

***

"Frodo, lad? Do you know where Smeagol has gotten to?"

Frodo looked up at him before pointing to the couch and going back to his legos. Bilbo muttered a 'thank you' and crouched next to it.

"There you are, darn cat. Come out now."

Smeagol looked at his disinterestedly and turned tail on him.

"Why are you trying to get him to come out now?"

Bilbo looked up at Thorin and frowned, "He keeps nicking my ring and running off with it."

"Hmm, maybe he likes the shiny. I'll get it back."

"Thanks."

***

"So, he has a ring and you got?"

Thorin held up his left hand with a slight smirk and pointed to his ring finger.

"You tattooed a ring on your finger? What if you guys break up though?"

Thorin shrugged, looking unconcerned, "Well, Bilbo is way too nice to ever try and take me to court for half my stuff, so I figured laser tattoo removal is just as expensive and painful. I don't think we'll be breaking up any time soon though."

"Good, it'll give you a while to save up for it."

"Thanks, Adad."

"No problem."

***

"So. This is great."

Thorin sniffed at the glass of wine he'd ordered and snickered a little.

"Shut up. I'm nearly nineteen, I still can't drink yet."

Throin shrugged, "You could have just asked me to order one for you."

"That's lying."

"I'm not Frodo, sweetheart. I know the ramifications of lying, but I also know the upside of doing it sometimes too."

Bilbo rolled his eyes, "Well, either way, I don't like the taste. I'm more of an ale type."

Thorin nodded, "Yeah, this place has shitty ale though..."

The silence got a little slow and awkward for a moment.

"Maybe we should have just skipped dinner."

"Yeah. This is our first night without the baby since we started dating."

"...Want to just leave early?"

"Yeah."

***


End file.
